In Thought?

However I try to cope things about life... or death for that matter. I'll always end up being frustrated with regret. I tend to regret about things that I should have done. Sometimes, I even regret about things that I didn't do. All in all, it just adds up to more and more until I became morose with suicidal tendencies.
But, there's more to life than I have ever imagine. Like having friends and love ones. Families that will stick with you through thick and thin. Even the littlest of things. Like flowers and teddy bears.
I should then, to live my life as how I see fit. Even if it is filled with regret and hatred. My pasts are my pasts. There's nothing that can be done to change it. Unless I build myself a time machine. Well, I know that I cannot run away from these distraught memories. I know that it will etch itself, burn its' images, voices, noises... All into my mind. The emotions mixes with the mental sanity.
God! How does one handle, cope with these unsettling emotions? Such raw, relentless emotions!?
How in the world does ANYONE take into account their feelings!? Their tainted, bloodied feeling!?
Dear God! Give me S.o.M.e.T.h.I.n.G! ANYTHING!... Just to aid my aching, rotting, putrid soul! Please! Let Me HEAL!!!
........................... I need a smoke.